Why Am I Awake?

Thoughts in a 30 minute time span from an anxious mama at bedtime:

1. Okay, the baby wants to nurse.
2. This mattress is too hot.
3. I wish I was still friends with _________.
4. What kind of groceries do we need?
5. What time is it?
6. I should drink more water.
7. I need to start working out more.
8. Do I have to pee?
9. When will my baby want to nurse again?
10. I need to schedule that dentist appointment.
11. I wonder what the next 6 months will look like for my family.
12. ....pondering all directions of my career.....
13. I wish my husband would stop snoring.
14. This baby is about to kick me out of the bed.
15. Wait, what time is it?
16. Maybe I should just give up on sleep and watch some terrible reality t.v.
17. I can't believe my baby will be one soon!
    
18. What position did I used to sleep in before being pregnant or bedsharing?
19. What do I have to do tomorrow?  What's this week looking like?
20. Okay, take a few deep breaths and try to wind down..
    

This is what postpartum anxiety looks like for me, but everyone experiences it differently.  I didn't notice how on edge I was until about 9 months postpartum.  I was having a hard time falling asleep at night.  I got overly worried about appointments and showing up on time.  I checked on my sleeping baby A LOT.  I became irritated easily and often fought with my partner over small stuff.  I obsessed over things that were out of my control, over-analyzing and jumping to conclusions.  I was anxious thinking about going back to work (work that I LOVED before I gave birth).  I realized that in order to be my best self and to give my baby the care he deserves, I needed to get help.  I knew that I would be happier and my relationships with others would improve if I met with a professional to sort everything out. 

Actions that helped me climb out of my funk (well, let's be honest..I'm still climbing):

1. Sharing my feelings
2. Seeing a therapist
3. Talking with other moms
4. Getting a good night's sleep (at least 7 hours)
5. Exercise and proper nutrition
6. Making time for my partner
7. Taking a prescription
8. Fresh air and sunshine
9. Journaling
10. Taking things one day (or on bad days, one hour) at a time
    
    

If you, too, are reading this and thinking, "That's me!  I can totally relate." or maybe you have questions and want to better understand, please know that there are some great resources out there to tap into.  Here's a simple list to start from:

1. Postpartum Depression Task Force of Monroe County, IN
2. Postpartum Progress
3. Postpartum Support International
   
4. Parenting Pod 
   

Please share! No person should have to go through this alone.